Empty. I don’t even feel like I have fumes in my tank to run on. I woke up feeling touched-out, crabby, and generally not wanting to do anything with anyone. Part of that is because, frankly, I need to get much better at self-care. And part of it is that I’m not taking time to listen to God’s voice in my life.
I homeschool my kids. They are now 15, 13, 6, 3, and 14 months. Yes, I have 5 children of vastly different ages. That means my kids spend a lot of time together….and with me. It can be hard to balance everything. I often find I’ve put my physical needs and my spiritual health on the back burner in the interest of serving my family. It leaves me exhausted and (in all honesty) less able to do the work to which God has called me.
At some point, I am reminded that God loves me (yes, me as myself) and craves relationship with me. Right now, I’m studying the biblical feast of Firstfruits. One thing that this situation and study have come together to teach me is that the feast isn’t just about giving thanks. It’s also about trusting in His provision for me, and accepting that provision. Just as a harvest must be planned for and even worked for (a crop doesn’t harvest itself), I must plan and work to accept God’s provision in my life. It is only when I purposely make time and effort to care for myself and reconnect with Him that He can fill me up and bless my family through me.
Now, if I can just keep this lesson in mind, and allow myself to take this time to keep my priorities in the right place, I can rest in the fact that God is ready to bless my family and build a legacy through me.